There was an article recently making its way around the internet, instructing young women on what Christian men are looking for in a wife. It’s 1000% ridiculous and doesn’t deserve to be linked out to – but it got me thinking. What DO men want? What ARE Christian guys looking for??
I’ve gotten so much input on this subject over the years (people just, like, walk up and give it to me! For free! Unprompted!), so I thought I’d put everything together in one helpful list.
Christian Dating in a nutshell
1. Miss “Independent”
Men like the chase. So don’t act too interested. Play hard to get. Except that, sometimes boys are dumb – so you need to let them know you like them. Subtly. But obviously. Don’t be desperate about it, but you’ll have to be a little forward about it. Definitely don’t be too forward about it. Read More
In case we haven’t met yet: Welcome to my blog. My name is Krysti. I write all about being single on the public internet. Who knew this would be my life, but here we are.
It’s pretty weird being “that girl who writes about singleness” – but here I go again reinforcing that title, right? The strangest thing to me about being single is how little we talk about being single. Besides, of course, how much we talk about singleness being so hard and singleness being so lonely and singleness being the worst. And then of course we (and by ‘we’ I mean ‘married people’) talk about season of singleness and how to pray your way through and how to persevere and oh, wait, we’re back to talking about how singleness is the worst again.
I think we need to start talking about it more. At the very least, so I’m done being typecasted as the one weirdo who keeps doing so. If we talked about singleness more, if we all shared our experiences, maybe I would have known these things ahead of time. Instead they caught me completely off guard…. Read More
I still remember the day my best friend and I were hanging out, complaining about dating and boys and life in general, when we decided we were gonna go for it: download a dating app.
We did it at the same time, clicking through the questions and giggling as we were trying to figure out what to put in our profiles, what pictures to use, sifting through a world of unknown. How old am I willing to date? How young? Do I put something about Jesus in my profile, or is clicking “Christian” enough? That whole week we were texting each other screen shots of awkward conversations, updating each other on how it was going. The first time I tried online dating, I found it to be incredibly freeing. Read More
Pinky out, because I’m a classy donut eater.
#2 out of 4: Mary’s Donuts
If you’ve ever been to Santee you know that, basically, there’s no reason to really ever go to Santee. Until you stumble across this gem, and then OHMYGOSH you want to go to Santee all the time. Whenever I’m in the city limit I basically make it a necessity. If I’m ever close to the city limit, I cross over the city limit, and, thus, have to go to Mary’s. Obviously.
Classic donuts, fun inventive donuts, award winning donuts annnnnd donuts as big as your face. Plus fun pictures of customers from over the past 40ish (I think?) years plastered evvvverywhere. And really good chocolate milk. This place has it all.
“How do I make myself attractive to a guy/girl? (In a good way)”
I honestly loved one of our panelists suggestions to guys: learn the value of personal hygiene. Preferably, wash your towels. There’s so many tips these days on how to make yourself more attractive – either off the cover of a magazine at the grocery store or in Christianese 101. Lose 10 pounds. Memorize Proverbs. Try this new eyeliner. Volunteer on Sundays. I’d say drop the act, and follow two generic rules: Read More
Sadly, this isn’t me at Rose – as I was stalking my own Instagram I discovered just how many pictures with donuts I have (who’s surprised?) – but this IS me with my brother enjoying Mighty-O Donuts in Seattle!
#3 out of 4: Rose Donuts
- Open 24/7
- Down the street from a Ballast Point (if donut & beer pairings are your thing… which, they should be)
As I’ve said before, you need to know what you’re looking for when dating. Obviously, the process of dating helps you narrow down and define what, exactly, you are looking for – but if you have no idea whatsoever, dating is probably going to be a shit show for ya (just being honest). What type of person are you looking for, but also what are you looking for – a marriage partner, a companion for the next few months, someone fun to spend Friday night with? Figure this out before you find yourself sitting down one on one with that cutie you’ve been eyeing, I promise you won’t regret it.
“We are told to date with intention, what does that mean??”
In Christianese, “dating with intention” typically means dating someone you can see yourself marrying, dating solely with the end goal of marriage, or simply: dating to marry. These things aren’t bad, but it does put a lot of pressure on dating relationships – especially in the early stages. We get nervous about knowing if we want to marry them – right away. We stress over everything “dating purposefully” entails, terrified of wasting our time or doing anything without thinking through the purpose of it. We worry far too much about who is the spiritual head in the relationship (psst – it should be both of you). Read More
#4 out of 4: Sunny’s Donuts
Conveniently by my church offices – aka a necessary pitstop after youth group – this place is open TWENTY FOUR HOURS. Because Jesus loves us. Let’s not talk about how often I’ve been here post midnight or anything – let’s just talk about how wonderful it is a standard donut shop exists with all your classic favs any time you want them. (Literally, any time)
Also, fun transition into dating: I once was craving donuts and the boy I was texting at the time offered to come pick me up and take me to Sunny’s. He mentioned how it was cute I used donuts as a way to flirt with him; I decided not to tell him I was actually just really, really craving donuts and would have made the trip with or without him…
“Can I be friends with my ex? Facebook friends??”
This is one of those rules of dating – don’t be friends with your ex – where there is always that one exception that makes you want to break the rule. But as we all learned in He’s Just Not that Into You: you are the rule, not the exception.
Can you be friends with your ex? Maybe. It depends on how long the relationship was, how serious the relationship was, and how the relationship ended. Anything under 3 months? You have a better chance at being friends. Did you kiss? Probably going to be awkward trying to be just friends (crossing the line from friend zone into dating is pretty easy, backtracking from dating into friend zone is rough). Did you drop the L word?? No, no, no. Read More
I recently got the chance to speak on a panel at my church’s college group all about dating and relationships. The night was entitled “Donuts & Dating” which caused more than one friend to ask me, “Did they name this night in your honor…?!”
One of my favorite things and one thing I happen to write about… a lot. It did seem pretty fitting. I am a self-proclaimed donut expert, and well known enthusiast, after all.
It was so fun getting to speak on a subject I talk about all the time, but typically to the public internet of strangers and not in front of real people. It was also so fun to speak alongside the panelists – 3 other people who I respect and admire. Also, ironically, 3 married people – so it was me and three marrieds discussing dating. Totally normal. Read More
As weddings have taken up so much of my life lately, I figured maybe they should take up a lot of my blog as well. Here’s a special wedding season series – some questions I get asked (or ones I don’t), some things I survived, some truths I’ve been learning. And, an extra bonus: one very special wedding!
At any group event where there’s lots of mingling with strangers, there’s this fun moment that typically happens to me. Weddings, especially. Sometimes I do a countdown, in my head, for the exact moment, because I can always see it coming.
At some prior point, word’s gotten out that I’m single, and I see the judgement in some people’s eyes, the surprise in others, the assumptions being made. I’m used to it. Whatever. But then, as conversation continues on, as we spend more time together, they start to speak – stop – hesitate, and I know it’s coming.
“Okay, I have to ask… WHY are YOU single?”
I laugh. I smile. I look at the floor. Because there’s just sooo many ways to answer, so many directions to go with this one.
“Well….” Read More
I’m so excited to have my new friend Drew sharing today – in case you missed it, I was over on his site earlier this week!
We’re talking casual dating and it’s been a blast. I’m fairly confident he’ll make you laugh.
Please: Keep it Casual
A male’s perspective on casual dating and Adele song titles
Rumor Has It
I went to a smaller-ish college in California. The females outnumbered the males two to one. Those are pretty good proportions for a kid from a state full of relatives or old people (Oklahoma).
So I would ask a pretty girl in my class out on a date – just all casual and chill, like a pair of sweats in a refrigerator, you know? We would go out and eat food and have a nice time of it. I would drop her off afterwards, we would each lay our heads down in our own beds, and we would dream blissfully of the “chillness” of it all.
Then, like Frankie Muniz and Hillary Duff in Lizzie McGuire, the entire school would find out the next day. “So,” someone would nudge me and say in a hushed voice, “You and Victoria/Mel/Geri/Melanie/Emma, huh?” (To be clear, these are the names of the Spice Girls, and I did not date any of them.)
Suddenly the world had blown up and the girl I had casually dated the night before was my bride-to-be. We vowed to each other we would “keep it chill” and continue to date casually, but the writing was on the wall. How can two people keep it chill when they are sitting on the rim of a volcano named “Couple-Notoriety?”
When it ended, it left me wondering whose fault it was. Read More
After my I’m-not-an-authority-on-dating dating blog, I figured it was time to write on something I do happen to be a self-proclaimed authority on: singleness
I was sitting on a panel on dating, four Christian singles lined up in chairs, when the classic question got asked. “What’s the hardest thing about being single?”
Two guys gave their respective responses, something along the lines of loneliness, self-confidence, watching your friends get married – the usual. Tentatively, I started, “I don’t want to belittle what they said. But I don’t think it’s hard.
“I mean, being single is hard… being in a relationship is hard… life is hard. I don’t think life is any easier when you have a cute boy to hold your hand; I don’t think life is any harder when you don’t have someone to text goodnight.” Even though I believed this with the core of my being – and I desperately wanted my high school students to hear this truth – I said most of this to my shoes. Because I knew this wasn’t a point of view I’m allowed to have, especially in the church. Read More