Christmas Presence

by In blog Tagged , , , , , Leave a comment

It’s finals week and I can barely remember what day it is. What time it is. I have 0 groceries and pretty sure I’ve spent more time at the library than I have at home. It’s been a blur of carrying my backpack to one library to another to a coffee shop, just to dump it on the floor and sleep for a bit before the next round. People ask me what I did last Friday and I stare at them blankly because, what is Friday? When was that? Who is that? Huh?

I had to say no to 5 Christmas parties this past weekend. I’ve had to say no to SO many things, so many people. I’m so ready to not have to respond with, “Can’t, I have to study” and “Ah, I’ll be at the library” or “Wish I could, but I have school!”. I’m so ready to sit with people and not be thinking about all the precious minutes of studying I’m missing out on. So ready to not pack up 4 different bags in the morning, with 3 different meals, and 2 additional layers. I’m ready for this semester to be done. Read More

Keep Mary in Merry Christmas

by In blog Tagged , , , , 1 Comment

Singing Christmas carols at church always gets to me. Singing the words, surrounded by my people, puts me smack dab in the middle of the Christmas story like nothing else can. I can’t quite explain it. This year, while singing the same songs as always, a new Christmas-time truth hit me: It feels like we’re living under the rule of a King Herod.

A ruler obsessed with himself, who fakes religious interest to gain the trust of certain people, whose wrath isn’t to be messed with and whose reign was historically polarizing. Are we talking about Rome circa 4 BC or America in 2017…? 

Hmmm. Read More

Alone? Or Lonely?

by In blog Tagged , , , , , Leave a comment

I was sitting by myself, with two strangers on either side of me. Not quite in the mood to make conversation, I simply sipped my drink and glanced around the room. The friend I had just been chatting with had gotten up to talk to someone, the only other person I knew was busy. Was I alone? Oh, yes. But was I lonely? Not so much.n0pqessfyiu-neha-deshmukh

It’s the cliche “worst time of the year to be single”. Basically every Hallmark movie ever bemoans the poor unfortunate soul who’s dateless during the holidays, and by The O.C.’s logic, “how you spend New Year’s Eve is how you’ll spend the rest of the year” (…aka heaven help you if it’s ALONE). Although holiday gatherings can be awkward to walk into alone (again and again and again) and your office Christmas party without a plus one sounds daunting (I wouldn’t know, I “had to” miss mine for a family reunion this year!), hear me loud and clear: being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. Read More

Dressember 29: 3 Ways the Holidays are Better as a Grown Up

by In blog Tagged , , , Leave a comment

For the month of December – in honor of Dressember – I’ll be blogging everyday! Thoughts on anything from fighting for justice to feminism, from dresses I’m wearing to books I’m reading, and everything in between.

There are a few surefire ways to know you’re officially an adult. You wash, dry, fold, AND put your laundry away all in one day. You can afford to buy – and actually choose to buy – juice consistently (not just when you’re sick). The holiday season is more stressful than it is enjoyable.

When you’re younger, Christmas seems to take f o r e v e r to arrive – you even count down every day with advent calendars, and the hours still seem to crawl by. As you get older, Christmas seems to arrive out of nowhere. Literally. December 10th I was halfway done with my shopping, I blinked, and it was the 23rd. What?! As a child, Christmas is presents and excitement and a break from school and so many good things. This year – the first year it sunk in that I’m a “grown up” (according to my birth certificate) – it was a mix of good and bad. Catching up with old friends brought news of sickness, divorce, and hardships; baking with my mom was interrupted by checking emails and tracking packages; buying Christmas presents for everyone I love while on a tight budget was exhausting. Read More

Dressember 26: Taking a Break

by In blog Tagged , , , Leave a comment

For the month of December – in honor of Dressember – I’ll be blogging everyday! Thoughts on anything from fighting for justice to feminism, from dresses I’m wearing to books I’m reading, and everything in between.

Are there any other over achievers out there who find it near impossible to rest? To relax? To take a break? I’ve been working on this for some time now. That should tell you enough – I’ve had to work on my ability to relax. And when I do actually “relax”, I try to make the most of it. Am I reading a fun book? Did I light one of my special candles? Maybe I should change into yoga pants. Oh, this blanket isn’t as soft as that other one. Maybe I should get ice cream. On and on and on until I realize I’m overanalyzing things and not achieving my goal of relaxation whatsoever.

I hope I’m not alone in this. I hope I’m not the only one who stresses out when she leaves her phone in the other room (for the purpose of taking a break from my phone). I hope there are other people who check their work email even on vacation days. I can’t be the only one who strategically fits in as many fun things as possible into my days off… which then makes them insanely scheduled and way less fun. Read More

Dressember 24: I am Luke Skywalker

by In blog Tagged , , , , , , , Leave a comment

For the month of December – in honor of Dressember – I’ll be blogging everyday! Thoughts on anything from fighting for justice to feminism, from dresses I’m wearing to books I’m reading, and everything in between. 

In this season of advent, we focus a lot on waiting. What are we expecting, what are we looking forward to, what are we personally waiting on? As Christmas is tomorrow (!!!), it feels like the waiting is finally over.

As I’ve been reflecting on this season of advent in my own life, I’ve realized what I’m waiting for. Healing, in various areas of my life. Boldness, in certain relationships. Answers, to questions I’ve been asking. And as I’ve been re-watching the original Star Wars trilogy, I’ve realized something else: I am Luke Skywalker.  Read More

Dressember 10: Season of Giving

by In blog Tagged , , , , , Leave a comment

For the month of December – in honor of Dressember – I’ll be blogging everyday! Thoughts on anything from fighting for justice to feminism, from dresses I’m wearing to books I’m reading, and everything in between. 

It’s December 10th and it’s just now hitting me that Christmas is, basically, tomorrow. I know – technically there’s still 15 days. But all of a sudden the realization of how soon that is – how soon people are packing up to go home for the holidays, how soon I need to get gifts bought and cards written, how soon I need to start getting my act together – hit me. 15 days?! Eish.

My parents have been hounding me for a Christmas list – please tell me I’m not the only one in my mid-twenties who still makes those? I don’t quite remember making these lists when I was younger, but I feel like it must have been easy. Going through the Toys R Us catalog and circling what I would hope Santa would bring. As I grew up, I always had a little trouble making a Christmas list – with my birthday so recent, I had just gotten items from my wish list. But this year, it feels impossible. Currently only one thing is coming to mind: socks.  Read More