For the month of December – in honor of Dressember – I’ll be blogging everyday! Thoughts on anything from fighting for justice to feminism, from dresses I’m wearing to books I’m reading, and everything in between.
It’s raining in San Diego. Which – for people who don’t live here – is probably confusing. Don’t you have perfect weather every single day?? For people who do live here, we know it means one thing: horrible traffic.
My drive back down from LA got doubled today, as people were driving 20 mph on the freeway because a little water was falling from the sky. Do I sound bitter?? Maybe (definitely) I still am. Sitting on the freeway isn’t fun, ever. But especially when its cold and wet outside and you would do almost anything to just be home.
At my last stretch, when I was passing yet another fender bender, and we were crawling towards my exit, I thought to myself I could literally pull over and walk home faster. And if I could, I probably would have. I was so desperate to get out of my car, to get off the freeway, to get away from the mess that is traffic, that I was contemplating doing something that made no logical sense. Sometimes – when the end is in sight and yet still feels so far away – we consider giving up all together. At least I do.
It doesn’t quite make sense, but it’s true. 2016 is so close, and yet it feels like I should just already give up on what I’m hoping for in the new year. I have friends who will be engaged so soon(!!), yet are almost fed up with their current relationship status. Transitions that feel just around the corner yet take too long to arrive are beyond frustrating. It’s the final moments of waiting – where you can literally see the finish line, but you aren’t at the finish line – that can be the most testing of all. It can be so tempting to simply throw in the towel, pull off the freeway, leave it for another day.
I finally got home today. It wasn’t at the time I expected to or at the time I wanted to, but I’m here. I’m inside. It’s raining on and off, I’m thinking about lighting a fire, and a friend is on her way over for some girl talk, wine, and Gilmore Girls(!!!). Life is good. It didn’t feel that way a few hours ago, but with the gift of perspective I’m seeing it now. I’m glad I didn’t give up on the freeway earlier, and hole up in a Starbucks to wait out traffic. I’m glad I didn’t pull onto the shoulder and cry (it was tempting). I’m glad I pushed through. I think life is the same way.