For the month of December – in honor of Dressember – I’ll be blogging everyday! Thoughts on anything from fighting for justice to feminism, from dresses I’m wearing to books I’m reading, and everything in between.
Are there any other over achievers out there who find it near impossible to rest? To relax? To take a break? I’ve been working on this for some time now. That should tell you enough – I’ve had to work on my ability to relax. And when I do actually “relax”, I try to make the most of it. Am I reading a fun book? Did I light one of my special candles? Maybe I should change into yoga pants. Oh, this blanket isn’t as soft as that other one. Maybe I should get ice cream. On and on and on until I realize I’m overanalyzing things and not achieving my goal of relaxation whatsoever.
I hope I’m not alone in this. I hope I’m not the only one who stresses out when she leaves her phone in the other room (for the purpose of taking a break from my phone). I hope there are other people who check their work email even on vacation days. I can’t be the only one who strategically fits in as many fun things as possible into my days off… which then makes them insanely scheduled and way less fun.
It’s how I’m wired. I used to hate it; I’m trying to make peace with it now. But I am who I am. (Not that we can’t change, as people. But that’s a conversation for another time…) I’m highly responsible, which means I’m usually stressed out about 15 million things that aren’t my responsibility. I like structure, which means I try to structure every aspect of life. Spoiler alert: you can’t. And I’m strategic – so I always think I can fit one more thing into my to-do list, I can meet with one more person, I can take on one more job. These are strengths of mine, but they can also be weaknesses at times.
Why am I explaining to the internet the interworkings of my personality? Because I’m blogging every day of
December Dressember – every. single. day – but yesterday I didn’t. This might not be the biggest surprise, as yesterday was Christmas. Obviously, everyone takes Christmas off. It’s a holiday. It’s Christmas.
But, for me, it was torture. I was opening presents and celebrating with my family, trying to mentally figure out when I could blog. I was helping my mom in the kitchen trying to brainstorm what to even blog. I was thinking maybe if I didn’t do my hair I could have 10 extra minutes, or maybe I could get my brother to help with the presents or maybe…. On and on and on. It was Christmas and I was so worried about this commitment I had made to the internet. To myself?
It took so much will power to tell myself, “Krysti. It’s Christmas. Everyone should get a break on Christmas.” To put it out of my mind, to be present with my family, to enjoy the day. But I did! And that may sound so silly and so ridiculous to some people, but for me it was huge. It’s a Christmas miracle! I’m learning.
It’s only a day after Christmas (happy Boxing Day!), and I can already feel the crazy of normal life coming back in full swing. After sleeping through my alarm and having my phone die on me halfway through the day, running errands with my mom for 7 hours (eish!) and finally getting home to missed calls and texts and emails, I feel the pressure already. But I also feel the new need to not worry, to not stress. The need to email people back tomorrow (or… dare I say, Monday?), the need to make some hot chocolate, the need to open up a new book and not look at the clock. The need to take a break.