For the month of December – in honor of Dressember – I’ll be blogging everyday! Thoughts on anything from fighting for justice to feminism, from dresses I’m wearing to books I’m reading, and everything in between. 

I’m currently reading The Problem of Pain by CS Lewis, and (like most of his books) it’s so, so good and so, so dense. Sometimes I can spend 10 minutes on a page. Full honesty: I’ve started this book 3 times this year and could never get through the first chapter. I’m now on chapter 5, so there is hope!

He talks about how we can’t fully grasp the good news of the gospel – the good news that we are perfectly loved – until we fully grasp how utterly horrible of a being we are. Not humankind in general, but ourselves as individuals. It’s kind of a harsh idea, really. 

As he goes on to explain himself, it makes more sense. We want to compare ourselves against a horrible criminal, and come out as the more moral of the two. We then want to compare ourselves against a commonly accepted benevolent individual, and claim we almost as good as them – maybe not the same level, but definitely only a point or two below. For the most part, we think we are decent human beings.

But we aren’t. We’re sinful and spiteful and hateful – we lie and we cheat and we gossip and we judge. We all do it! There’s no getting around it. Here I am wearing dresses every day this month to raise money for human trafficking, to raise awareness around a horrible injustice, and I’m actually a horrible person. It’s a very humbling thing to realize – that you can’t hide behind your good deeds and better moments, because your darker deeds far outnumber them.

I hope I’m not depressing you, because the beauty is the story doesn’t end there. We are horrible, sinful creatures – but we are redeemed by Love Himself. Love that you can’t fully understand until you fully understand how much you don’t deserve it – that you can’t ever deserve it.

I was reading Psalm 144 this morning, and verse 3 asks, “Lord, what are human beings that you care for them, mere mortals that you think of them?”

It’s a great question to ask yourself. God, who am I?? That you care for me? That you choose to love me? That you constantly forgive me? Who am I that my wretchedness hasn’t overtaken me? Who am I to keep getting second chances?

If you listen closely, you’ll hear Him answer: “My child.”

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