For the month of December – in honor of Dressember – I’ll be blogging everyday! Thoughts on anything from fighting for justice to feminism, from dresses I’m wearing to books I’m reading, and everything in between.
With the mornings getting colder (yes, I live in Southern California. Yes, I said “cold”), getting out of bed is getting incredibly more difficult. Getting out of bed is already my least favorite time of day, and something I already struggle with. I used to joke if college was meant to prepare you for real life, they should make a class in how to wake up on time – but, luckily, they didn’t require that to graduate, otherwise I would have never gotten a degree. Ask anyone who has had to share a room with me – I sleep through about 3 alarms, snooze through another 5, and then oversleep enough to jump out of bed and have 5 minutes to get myself together (read: coffee) before flying out the door.
But now that the mornings are cold, and my bed is so very nice and warm, I have even more incentive to stay snuggled up. Plus the fact that I work out of a home office….. I’ve been staying in bed for an embarrassingly long amount of time lately. If I had a coffee pot in my room, I probably would never get out of bed. Seriously. Sometimes I even struggle to the kitchen, and climb back into bed with my warm mug. I’m being real vulnerable here, public internet.
I’ve come to learn (although I’ve kinda already known) that the mornings I actually wake up when I’m supposed to, sit at my desk when I’m supposed to, are better days all around. (Although sending emails from my bed is waaaay more comfy!) I always feel like I have a better grasp of the day, like I’m more alert and ready and on top of things and – dare I say it – happy. There’s probably some scientific reasoning for this that is way over my head, that I’m too lazy to research and don’t want to bore you with. Besides, I think the real reason has nothing to do with science: I chose the harder option.
Life is full of choices. And life is also full of easy routes. Pushing off that email until tomorrow. Avoiding that text, avoiding that conversation. Ice cream for dinner (no cooking involved, AND delicious!). Pretending you don’t see that friend at the mall. They seem like the better option, at the time. They seem like they’ll make your life better, at the time. Eventually, though, you come to realize they don’t at all.
Lately I’ve been seeing areas of my life where I’ve chosen the easy route. Sometimes without meaning to at all! Sometimes I definitely did so purposefully. Holding onto anger, instead of choosing forgiveness. Holding onto bitterness, because it gave me a sense of power. Pushing off hard conversations until…. later. Keeping my mouth shut so I don’t rock the boat. Keeping to myself, so I don’t get hurt. These might be the easy options, but the long term effects aren’t fun.
So this week, I started making baby steps towards the harder options. I started taking responsibility for areas of life that were my fault, areas I can’t continue to blame on others. I planted the seeds of conversations I hope to continue – one day soon. I took a stand for things I passionately believe in. I forgave some people for things they didn’t apologize for, for things they’ll never apologize for. And it’s hard. But, it’s also freeing.
I think choosing the harder option is more about liking the person you see in the mirror – being proud of the person you see in the mirror – than anything else. Because you can get pretty far on the easy choices. You can make a pretty snazzy life skating by – at least it will look snazzy on the outside. But if you want to be the kind of person you’re proud to know, you have to choose to be someone you’re proud to be. That’s hard. But, worth it. At least to me.