There was an article recently making its way around the internet, instructing young women on what Christian men are looking for in a wife. It’s 1000% ridiculous and doesn’t deserve to be linked out to – but it got me thinking. What DO men want? What ARE Christian guys looking for??
I’ve gotten so much input on this subject over the years (people just, like, walk up and give it to me! For free! Unprompted!), so I thought I’d put everything together in one helpful list.

Christian Dating in a nutshell

1. Miss “Independent”

Men like the chase. So don’t act too interested. Play hard to get. Except that, sometimes boys are dumb – so you need to let them know you like them. Subtly. But obviously. Don’t be desperate about it, but you’ll have to be a little forward about it. Definitely don’t be too forward about it.

To avoid seeming like you have your life completely figured out – never have your schedule too full. You should always be open to say yes to a date, always have room to meet up within the next 48 hours, if asked. To avoid putting your life on hold for the sake of a relationship – go do things! Sign up for things! Make sure you have weekly activities scheduled and fun outings with friends planned and are living a full life. You can’t meet someone if you’re sitting at home every night. You can’t date someone if you have plans every night. Both of these things are very true and not at all contradictory.

Be independent. But, not too independent. They need to be able to take care of you. Sometimes. But take care of yourself.

Ask for help! Men love feeling needed. Even if you know the answer, pretend like you don’t. Even if you can do it on your own, act like you can’t. But don’t be too good of an actress; men don’t like idiots. They really enjoy a woman with a brain. Really. Own that you are a smart, independent person. Who happens to be helpless. This is logical. What is more attractive than an incompetent adult human being who needs someone else to function??

He was clearly attracted to her intelligence! Look at that newspaper.

So, like, be your own person, but also live your life for the sole sake of finding a man.

2. Look like a Supermodel (but naturally)

It’s not all about looks, obviously. Buuuuuut… we all know men are visual creatures, so make sure to take care of yourself. But not too much, because that’s being self-obsessed. No one likes a girl who is self-obsessed. But everyone likes a girl who is pretty!

Guys like girls all natural. Except, of course, when they see you without make up and ask if you’re sick. So be sure to wear make up, but not enough that they can notice. Except enough that they can notice. You know, just try to look good, at all times, without making it look like you’re trying to look good.

Here’s the thing: men understand women come in all shapes and sizes. They don’t have unrealistic expectations about your body, except for it to look good. They don’t care about you looking like the girl on the magazine, as long as you do. Really, it’s all about being healthy – so be healthy! Work out! But don’t get too buff, because no guy wants to date someone stronger than him. You want to be toned, but not muscular (how manly!). You want to be thin, but not too thin. You want to look like those people who literally get paid to be in shape, but naturally. It’s easy.

Be sexy (Church-approved sexy!), but never slutty. Have we mentioned how men are visual creatures yet??? Because they are. They notice what you’re wearing, except that guys don’t really notice things like clothes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3. The Holy Factor

As if this one isn’t obvious: Christian men want Christian women! As we all got tattooed on our hearts in youth group: “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find it.”
****figurative tattoos, as a true godly woman would never mar her living temple with ink****

Be SUPER involved at church – how else to get him to notice your servant’s heart and giving spirit?? – but, like we’ve mentioned, be sure to keep your schedule clear. Sure, that ministry might need a new volunteer, but you gotta find a husband! The church is built for married couples, anyway, so you can find your place once you find your man.

Be sure you’re doing your quiet time every morning and praying to Jesus every night. Except that your husband will be the spiritual head of your relationship, so don’t learn too much while reading the Bible. Spend time in the Word, but don’t digest it. Dwell on Jesus’ teachings, but don’t form opinions on what He’s saying. Read it, but definitely wait until you meet your Mr Right to have him to explain it all to you. No need to learn what Jesus’ voice sounds like – a man will be sure to come along and translate for you.

This is all I do in my free time

& Some Misc. Helpful Truths 

Men are emotionally stunted creatures – they are sooo logical. Always. All the time. Unless we’re talking about their sex drive, in which case they have NO logic (duh). Men can’t handle emotions – it’s just not how they are wired! – but they should be the leader of your relationship. Let them lead you. Let them guide the way to a healthy relationship, as they clearly know how to. Intuitively. Which typically means with their emotions. Except they have none. But, they’ll know how to do this. Yup.

Men mature at slower rates than women. If you’re sitting around wondering why all the men you meet have the maturity of a toddler – just wait! They’ll get there one day. God honors those who persevere in the name of finding their soul mate.
*Except, of course, if you’re past 30 – in which case it’s time to loosen those standards (they’re so high! you have so many!).

Guys have a big ego – you never, ever want to bruise it. Ever. I get told this a lot, so, I’m going to bold it this time – EVER. Never be smarter than them. Or funnier. Or more successful. Or more important. Or a human.

Dating is really easy. You’re welcome.

4 thoughts on “Men Want ________

  1. Be a bimbo-have a bit of brain, don’t be obsessed with your looks – too much effort makes u look desperate, men are visual creatures – that’s how they are wired – women are emotional creatures – the garbage we’ve been taught in this century!!

  2. Before I could even get through the first couple paragraphs everything within me was screaming, “Yes! Finally, someone gets it!!”

    Keep doing what you’re doing. Your words bring permission, laughter, relief, and healthy perspective to the world. Thank you 💛💛

  3. I am laughing so hard!
    Personally, I like Naomi’s advice to Ruth. Go lay at his feet while he is asleep on the threshing floor. Some men just don’t know who or what they want until its really awkward and almost embarrassing.

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