Dear Christian Men in Tank Tops

I’ve read one too many blogs on yoga pants and women (especially Christian women), so I decided Christian men and tank tops should be treated in the same manner…

Dear Christian men in tank tops,

I understand that they might be comfortable. I understand they might be made out of really soft material. I understand that – in some circles – they might be seen as trendy right now. I understand that, given the weather, they just really make the most sense right now. I even understand it may be laundry day anddddd it’s the last thing clean. But what I don’t understand? Why you think this is about you.

**cropped to not show the full arm, in hopes of protecting my fellow sisters**

Because, Christian men in tank tops, this clearly isn’t about you or your comfort or your autonomy. I can’t fathom how you would possibly think that – we’re talking your body and your clothing choices. Why would that involve you? Clearly this is about us.   Read More

What To Do With It?

It was cliche, really. I was sitting on the most beautiful beach, in the most perfect sunshine, toes in the sand. It was one of those I live where people vacation moments us San Diegians have to struggle through every now and then. I had just gotten coffee with, and was now sitting next to, one of my best friends. Twelve hours earlier I was on a date with a cute boy. Um, hi, perfect weekend.

And, yet.

I sat there, and couldn’t shake the news of Philando Castile ruling that filled my Twitter feed that morning. The Cosby mistrial. The – let’s be honest – shit show that is America’s government at the moment. I sat trying to come to terms with these two extremes: my seemingly perfect life and the heart breaking world we live in. I don’t know whether to mourn or be furious. I don’t know whether to start the charge or throw up my hands in defeat. I don’t know how to make sense of it.

Justice seems like something so far out of our grasp. Peace feels like a pipe dream. Read More

Why Women Should Preach, as Explained by Wonder Woman

This post contains zero spoilers of the new Wonder Woman movie except that (totally non-spoiler) IT’S BEYOND WONDERFUL. You should go see it. Like, right now.


I know nothing about comics. I know nothing about DC versus Marvel. I have, maybe, seen half of the fifty super hero movies that have come out within the last ten years. Probably closer to five, but who’s counting? So maybe the new Wonder Woman movie broke all the rules or maybe everything I was blown away by is common knowledge – I wouldn’t know. All I do know is this: I loved it.

I loved the diversity I saw within the first five minutes. I loved the diversity I saw throughout the rest of the movie. I loved the clever one liners. I loved the subtle and not so subtle references to the ways men do things and the way Wonder Woman crashed right through those walls (literally and figuratively). I especially loved getting to see a woman save the day, seeing a woman in the leading role of an action movie, seeing a caring, compassionate, intelligent and gorgeous woman kick ass. Read More

Radical Generosity & Radical Exhaling

My yoga teacher was telling us about breath. How important it is, bla bla bla. When people (cough yoga teachers cough) talk about breathing, I tend to zone out. Yes, I’ve managed to learn that skill by now, thanks.

But I’ve been learning just how important proper breathing is. Just how important it is to exhale into some poses, inhale into others. How important it is to connect with your breath, to focus on your breath, to make sure you’re breathing into certain areas of your body.

She was talking about exhaling all your air out, for your body will naturally fill itself back up. This struck me in the way that simple facts that you should already know can be completely and utterly mind blowing. I don’t like to exhale everything out, I don’t like to go that deep. I don’t like to give it all up. I feel much more in control when I keep some, just a little, tucked away for safe keeping. I’m a planner! This in my in-case-of-emergency air.

But its only when we fully release, that we fully fill back up. Read More

We Celebrate

There were four glasses on the table. In the middle, one plate with dessert; four spoons pointing in different directions. It was a night for celebrating, but such a different kind of celebration than we’re used to.

These are the people I spend birthdays with. If we all happen to be in town, the ones who create a make-shift family to spend holidays and special occasions. The ones who are family. The ones who get together for new jobs, promotions, or other exciting life events. The top of the list people for exciting news. I was part of both of their proposal stories; I stood in both of their weddings. These are the people who I celebrate with.

Not only that, but I am all about celebrating. I love birthdays. (Specifically, I love shopping for birthday presents.) I love anniversaries of random events. I love all those crazy national holidays that aren’t real holidays. I love a good theme party more than any grown up should. Read More

What I’ve Been Learning About Advocacy

It’s currently April, which means I’m wearing red lipstick every day. Taking a stand for Sexual Assault Awareness Month is always a little scary and a little vulnerable – but also, I believe, very needed. I’ve always loved Red My Lips simple but profound mission, and this is my third year participating. (I’ve blogged about it before, or you can visit their site!)

The tone around the issue has changed a lot. I’ve been able to have more conversations than ever about consent, about abuse, and about assault. Conversations that need to be had, for sure, but are usually quiet, closed door, one on one conversations. I wonder if people are simply more aware these days or more willing to talk about things they see discussed so often in media (shout out to Brock Turner and Donald Trump). I also wonder if I’ve became known, in my circle, for caring about these things. For knowing a bit more than the average people about statistics and laws and the like. Whatever the reason, I’m seeing real change take root in people’s minds and real awareness being born, 3 years after I picked up some red lipstick. Read More

Whole30 & Whole Souls

I’m really not the latest food craze kind of person. Back when I really, truly became gluten intolerant (PTL Jesus heals), I hated feeling like another dumb white girl refusing to eat gluten to lose 5 pounds. I realize not everyone who doesn’t eat gluten is like that, but it was back during the height of the fad when people thought cutting out gluten was the new cutting carbs and kale hadn’t yet become queen of all things healthy.

I kept hearing about this Whole30 nonsense and I admit I was intrigued. (For those of you who don’t know, its a 30 day cleanse of dairy, grains, sugar, legumes, alcohol, and a handful of other things.) I found out it was a “diet” where you can eat as many avocados as you want. And steak. And sweet potatoes. Um, what? You had me at “bacon”, Whole30. Read More

Mike Pence, Billy Graham & Dinner Dates

Last week, Billy Graham was being talked about on Twitter so often it could have been mistaken for the Bible belt in the ’50s. An article resurfaced the fact that Vice President Pence adheres to the so called “Billy Graham Rule” and doesn’t dine alone with any woman who isn’t his wife. [The official rule, per Graham, is “to avoid any situation that would have even the appearance of compromise or suspicion … I did not travel, meet or eat alone with a woman other than my wife” and is actually one of four rules – NPR did an interesting, short write up.]

I was surprised to see the various takes on the issue, surprised at how many friends I disagreed with. My friend Matt’s, in particular, interested me – we usually see eye to eye on a lot of things, I respect his ideas and how he gets to them, we were even co-panelists at the Donuts & Dating event a while back. I asked if he, a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern, would be interested in co-blogging with me on the issue. He promptly responded with:

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Why Beauty and the Beast Gives Me Hope, as a Feminist

I’m (one of the millions of people who are) a bit obsessed with Beauty and the Beast. I’m (one of the millions of people who are) a bit obsessed with Emma Watson. When I heard it broke 5 box office records opening weekend, that Emma is now in two of the top 10 films ever, it made my heart happy. So well deserved. Such a needed thing in our world today – both a beautiful, magical story with good morals and a kickass female in center stage.

I’ve always loved Beauty and the Beast. Do I need to tell you what you already know? The amazing soundtrack. The stark difference of Belle to other Disney princesses. THAT LIBRARY. The gentle reminder to not take people at face value. I don’t need to convince you of the story’s brilliance. Not everyone is a Disney princess fan, but I have yet to meet someone who didn’t enjoy Beauty and the Beast growing up.

But I re-watched the original this past weekend in preparation for the new one (highly suggest doing so!) – and I was surprised. Surprised at how hopeful both movies made me. I knew I loved the movie, the characters, the music. I knew I was going to love the new one because, let’s be real, Emma Watson can do no wrong. I knew all of this and yet I was still blown away. Read More

Here’s to the Women

Last year, to celebrate International Women’s Day, I asked a few questions I was confused about (…still am pretty confused about, to be honest). This year I thought I would do the same – and I had a working list of some funny, some serious, some sad issues I had questions about.

But this week has been a heavy one. This year, as a whole, is just so different than years past. I could go on a rant about the state of women, I could go on and on about the sexism – big and small – that is part of our everyday. Women are forced to live in a world that doesn’t value our lives equally, doesn’t educate us at the same rates, and doesn’t pay us the same for the same work. And those are statistical facts, not opinions. I could write about that. I could. Read More