How to Date with Intention & When to End Things

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Sadly, this isn’t me at Rose – as I was stalking my own Instagram I discovered just how many pictures with donuts I have (who’s surprised?) – but this IS me with my brother enjoying Mighty-O Donuts in Seattle!

Donuts

#3 out of 4: Rose Donuts

  1. Delicious
  2. Open 24/7
  3. Down the street from a Ballast Point (if donut & beer pairings are your thing… which, they should be)
  4. Deeeeeelicious

Dating

As I’ve said before, you need to know what you’re looking for when dating. Obviously, the process of dating helps you narrow down and define what, exactly, you are looking for – but if you have no idea whatsoever, dating is probably going to be a shit show for ya (just being honest). What type of person are you looking for, but also what are you looking for – a marriage partner, a companion for the next few months, someone fun to spend Friday night with? Figure this out before you find yourself sitting down one on one with that cutie you’ve been eyeing, I promise you won’t regret it.

“We are told to date with intention, what does that mean??”

In Christianese, “dating with intention” typically means dating someone you can see yourself marrying, dating solely with the end goal of marriage, or simply: dating to marry. These things aren’t bad, but it does put a lot of pressure on dating relationships – especially in the early stages. We get nervous about knowing if we want to marry them – right away. We stress over everything “dating purposefully” entails, terrified of wasting our time or doing anything without thinking through the purpose of it. We worry far too much about who is the spiritual head in the relationship (psst – it should be both of you). Read More

Exes & Emotional Boundaries

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Donuts

#4 out of 4: Sunny’s Donuts

Conveniently by my church offices – aka a necessary pitstop after youth group – this place is open TWENTY FOUR HOURS. Because Jesus loves us. Let’s not talk about how often I’ve been here post midnight or anything – let’s just talk about how wonderful it is a standard donut shop exists with all your classic favs any time you want them. (Literally, any time)

Also, fun transition into dating: I once was craving donuts and the boy I was texting at the time offered to come pick me up and take me to Sunny’s. He mentioned how it was cute I used donuts as a way to flirt with him; I decided not to tell him I was actually just really, really craving donuts and would have made the trip with or without him…


Dating

“Can I be friends with my ex? Facebook friends??”

This is one of those rules of dating – don’t be friends with your ex – where there is always that one exception that makes you want to break the rule. But as we all learned in He’s Just Not that Into You: you are the rule, not the exception.

Can you be friends with your ex? Maybe. It depends on how long the relationship was, how serious the relationship was, and how the relationship ended. Anything under 3 months? You have a better chance at being friends. Did you kiss? Probably going to be awkward trying to be just friends (crossing the line from friend zone into dating is pretty easy, backtracking from dating into friend zone is rough). Did you drop the L word?? No, no, no. Read More

Donuts & Dating

I recently got the chance to speak on a panel at my church’s college group all about dating and relationships. The night was entitled “Donuts & Dating” which caused more than one friend to ask me, “Did they name this night in your honor…?!”

One of my favorite things and one thing I happen to write about… a lot. It did seem pretty fitting. I am a self-proclaimed donut expert, and well known enthusiast, after all.

It was so fun getting to speak on a subject I talk about all the time, but typically to the public internet of strangers and not in front of real people. It was also so fun to speak alongside the panelists – 3 other people who I respect and admire. Also, ironically, 3 married people – so it was me and three marrieds discussing dating. Totally normal. Read More

Trump’s Immigration Ish & Some Hamilton Lyrics

Can I be honest? I don’t know how to write about this. I know I need to. I know someone needs to. I know we need to be talking, be rallying, be working together to do something. But, eish. I feel pretty helpless.

This weekend involved a lot of shock. Every time I opened up a newsfeed to scroll through, I found myself holding my breath and holding back tears. The last week was bad enough, each day bringing new actions of our new President. But this weekend showed the tangible, immediate effects of those actions, and I was beside myself.

America, the beautiful? I can’t seem to find you anymore. What cosmetic surgery did we agree to, thinking it would fix us? A botched job seems to have left us bleeding and incomplete. Even worse, it was a surgery we didn’t require; a facelift we were bullied into thinking was necessary.

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Can I be honest? I’m become a bit obsessed with Hamilton. “Obsessed” seems like too much of an understatement, but as the rest of the country seems to be on the same page as me I guess we all fall into the same generic category. It’s a joke with my roommates, how much of a problem this has become for me. I’m constantly singing along to one of the songs in my head, constantly playing it in our kitchen. A friend’s brother-in-law has an extra ticket to a show in Chicago, and I seriously debated agreeing to an arranged marriage situation to attend. It’s fine, people. I’m fine. Read More

7 Types of Men You’ll Meet as a Feminist

There’s this little historical event happening in DC this weekend – have you heard?? It’s the Women’s March on Washington. If you know me at all, you know I’m STOKED – thousands coming together to rally for equality? Taking a stand for justice? The sass involved of planning it for the day after a man who, seemingly, has no respect for women takes the highest office in the land? SIGN. ME. UP. (I’ll be attending the sister march in San Diego!)

Because of the march, there’s been a lot of discussion on feminism lately. Can feminists be pro-life? Do feminists HAVE to be pro-choice? Is it a women only movement? How intersectional are we being? Is feminism even needed in 2017??

Being a feminist is not always easy. Being an out spoken, passionate about justice, hey-I-write-blogs-about-feminism-a-lot feminist is really not easy. I get a lot of flak from friends. I also get to be a part of a lot of really cool conversations with friends, which I am thankful for. I recently read an article warning to beware of male feminists, which I thought was a little intense and yet incredibly thought provoking. Since then, I’ve been taking a lot of mental notes during the conversations I have with men about feminism. I’ve come to find that, generally speaking, there seems to be seven kinds of men… Read More

2017: Life Will Conquer Death

I’m not the biggest new year’s resolutions person (I find they typically involve weight loss and equally get forgotten about), but I do love dreaming up when the new year can hold. 

The latest craze, that I love, is choosing a word for the new year. One word. Focusing on it, digging deep into it, maybe reading a book or two on it or learning its origin. For the less nerdy, possibly just writing it on the front of their journal and calling it a day? One word. One. As much as I love this idea, I keep failing at it. I keep getting four.

Last year I tried so, so hard. I really did. I still got four. Maybe it’s my indecisiveness. Maybe it’s my love for words. I think it has more to do with a sneaky God who keeps reminding me it’s okay to live my life outside the lines I create for myself. Fine, Jesus, whatever – four it is. So this year, when they were spoken into my life, I didn’t even put up a fight. Yup. YUP. That’s it. That’s me. That’s 2017. Read More

5 Sneaky Ways to be Rebellious This Year (in a good way)

 

A dear, dear friend (cough Pinterest cough) once told me,

In a society that profits from your self doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.

Doesn’t that make you want to go and love the $!@# out of yourself, just to piss off the world? Anyone? Just me? I love getting to be a lil’ rebel. (Probably because 90% of time I’m the biggest rule follower…)

When you get to be a rebel and it’s good for you… I’m a fan. Committing to liking myself, at the very least just to make society suck it, has been empowering for me. Here are five simple and sneaky ways I’ve been trying to rebel against what is assumed of us, what others consider normal, or what the world wants us to do. In 2017, let’s resolve to be rebels. Read More

Alone? Or Lonely?

I was sitting by myself, with two strangers on either side of me. Not quite in the mood to make conversation, I simply sipped my drink and glanced around the room. The friend I had just been chatting with had gotten up to talk to someone, the only other person I knew was busy. Was I alone? Oh, yes. But was I lonely? Not so much.n0pqessfyiu-neha-deshmukh

It’s the cliche “worst time of the year to be single”. Basically every Hallmark movie ever bemoans the poor unfortunate soul who’s dateless during the holidays, and by The O.C.’s logic, “how you spend New Year’s Eve is how you’ll spend the rest of the year” (…aka heaven help you if it’s ALONE). Although holiday gatherings can be awkward to walk into alone (again and again and again) and your office Christmas party without a plus one sounds daunting (I wouldn’t know, I “had to” miss mine for a family reunion this year!), hear me loud and clear: being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. Read More

Best Books of 2016

Book list season is the BEST kind of season. Has anyone else been devouring all these “best of 2016” lists?? I think the other day at work I had 3 open simultaneously. No shame.

I was already eyeing what I want to read next year, when Goodreads sent me a fun email of everything I’ve read this year! I’ll be honest, when it said I read 20 books it seemed far too small. Only 20?! I realize that’s a crazy amount to some; as an avid reader I felt like I was doing more reading than that…

Sidenote: some of my friends are trying out the 52 books in a year thing for 2017! Anyone ever done that? Seems daunting. Also seems tempting. Hmmm.

Here’s the best of what I read this year! (Along with a full list at the bottom) Any recommendations?? Let’s talk books *heart eyes emoji*  Read More